WHAT NO OH MY GOD STOP

Moon. Mark my words: if this shit doesn’t stop I will find a way to shoot your sorry ass RIGHT OUT OF ORBIT.

I spent the overwhelming majority of last night flipping the lamp on and off as I refereed two pacing, eternally nesting, bed-thieving dogs.

*pace pace pace*

*thunk*

*dig dig dig*

*staaaaaaaarrrre*

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

All this after taking them out a thousand times because they spent the early portion of the evening sitting and staring at me. Just staring. Boring little puppy eye-sized holes into my face.

So I would take them out and they’d be all, “nah, it’s wet out here. Inside.”

So we would come inside an they’d park their asses in front of me, like, “I do need to pee tho.”

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

*pace pace pace*

*chugs bottle of rescue remedy, chases it with bottle of bourbon*

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

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